Uber-Precious is Here!

Park Slope Food Coop.

REALLY???

I'm not the first, I won't be the last, but I WILL be taking the Food Coop / Park Slope to task right now.

Brief Info on Basic Coop Rules:
1) Membership Required (Application, Orientation Meeting attendance, $25 Join-Fee)
2) $100 PER HOUSEHOLD ADULT required as well (I've heard silly "you're-busted" stories)
3) You WILL WORK. Commie-Style. A few hours a week. (A tenacious Black-List catches naughty Lazies, suspends priviledges)
4) Website strikes ice-cold FEAR into those who might dare to check them out.

Having heard the various stories from neighborhood folks (both in and out of the Coop) frankly, I was turned off beyond curiosity. I'm about to shlep over there, way past all the other stores, and BEND OVER for the RIGHT to buy your food?
I have three words in mind, and they go something like: gofuckyourself.

Recently however, I've been toying with alternative ways of eating; certain Toxin-Free Diets that require serious adjustments in food aquisition. (Quinoa? Buckwheat Noodles?)
Finding this stuff isn't all that easy, so I became curious about the COOP. Went online, did a little proper research, and would you believe? I was MORE turned off than before.

These folks want to promote healthier, more globally efficient consumption?
A better, more just way to manage the planet's rescources?

Their FIRST assignment is to shrug off their aggregeous mantle of self-congratulation, and to WELCOME any curiously hopeful folks with helpful encouragement...not ridgidity, scorn, or off-putting exclusivity.

In Brooklyn, we DON'T take plastic bags. We DON'T own a car. EVERYTHING is dutifully recycled.
And so, while I gladly spend a good 16 hours of my month volunteering, I will be GOD DAMNED before I join this Nazi-style love-fest of I-told-you-so's...

Next Monday, when I sail by on my grimy old messanger bike, I'll be sure to raise my one-fingered salute.
Coop? thanks but no thanks.