Seriously Folks, This Is Filthy

Honestly. I think I'm going to move to Pluto to escape this shit. I am SO afraid.

We're all going to hell

FOETUSES FOR SALE...

Ok. PLEASE tell me what this is about. I am so frightened I think I'm gonna puke. This is a bonafide "TOY" with REAL DNA and other organic matter. When it is in it's display case on the shelf, it is in "hibernation" with a "feeding tube" and "freshness strip." When unwrapped, it will "bond" to the first person it sees.

It's "lifespan" is 1 to 3 years, depending on model chosen.

Can someone PLEASE tell me what's going on? I am afraid we are:

a) going straight to hell for concocting this abhorration; or

b) enjoying selling half-baked abortion-style foetuses to young children for money.

Now I'm going to go have violent nightmares of creepy afterbirth-trailing children taking unspeakeable revenge upon us all.

Newsflash! Edwards is a Good Ol' Boy

So I get my very own perrsonalized email from Mrs. John Edwards this morning reminding me that if I pledge support (read: MONEY) for her husband's presidential campaign in time for his birthday this weekend I will receive Mamma Bobbie's uber-secret family recipe for Pecan Pie!

Is this some kind of threat? Read for yourself:

Dear Fiona,

This Sunday is John's 54th birthday, and his mother Bobbie and I are working on a gift that only all of you can give: 10,000 people stepping forward to support the campaign by Sunday.

Over 4,000 of you have already contributed. We're nearly halfway there! If you haven't contributed yet, now's the time to support John's campaign and make sure we have the resources we need to win.

And don't forget: Bobbie's agreed to send you her old family recipe for pecan pie if you can donate before John's birthday on Sunday!

Poo. I'd rather get a free beer hat: http://www.zymetrical.com/product.asp?3=943